Lies We Tell Ourselves, Issue 1
Women tell themselves (and other people) stories that hinder their growth and keep them small. Let's ditch the lies and grow bigger together.
Growing up I learned that women were supposed to follow the rules, stay small, be quiet, and leave plenty of space for men to shine. In order to do that, though, I had to lie to myself over and over again. After a while, these stories we tell ourselves become our truth, and take over our identity.
Over the years I’ve told myself (and those around me) that I loved my job (when I didn’t at all) that I hated exercise (I actually love it more than chocolate), that I was straight (I’m not), and a million other lies both big and small. These lies became my truth and kept me from living as my true, authentic self. Trying to keep up the stories kept me from forming close relationships with others (particularly women) and frankly, made me sick.
So, follow me as I dismantle the lies I’ve told myself, and the lies society tells women. I think that if we pull the curtain back far enough we’ll see just how bright, strong, and powerful we are. Once we get really honest with ourselves real healing, and true vulnerability can begin.
Wearing Makeup Means You Lack of Confidence
Actually, it doesn’t. That’s just a lie I let myself believe.
I love makeup, especially eye makeup. I love eyeliner, and eye shadow like a dog loves a kong ball filled with peanut butter. Right now, I have five shades of eyeliner and six different palettes of eyeshadows in my bathroom. I also have an assortment of individual eyeshadows in shades I just had to have, or that make traveling easy.
For the longest time, I was self-conscious about my love for makeup (and writing this with the thought of publishing it still gives me a bit of that feeling in my stomach you get when you’re about to be vulnerable with people about something you’re not entirely done working through the shame of yourself).
Damned if you do, and damned if you don’t
When I started wearing makeup as a teenager, I wore significantly less than my peers. On a bus to a cheerleading competition, a fellow cheerleader told me that I reminded her of a college girl because I didn’t wear a lot of makeup. She said it was as if I wasn’t trying that hard to be attractive. What an absolutely shitty thing to say to another human being.
Now I see it as an example of my use (or disuse) of makeup being pointed out as a character flaw. (It’s not).
When I was in my early twenties, my then-husband, and I had a group of friends we’d see fairly regularly. The men got together to play football on Saturday mornings, and a few of us wife/girlfriend types would go along so we could chat and watch the men grunt when their aging bodies hit the dirt.
One Friday night, I got a text from the other wives telling me that every woman was showing up the next day without any makeup on. This was around the time female celebrities started the no-makeup selfie thing, and apparently, these women thought we should do that too. I read the text and instantly forgot about it.
The next morning I woke up and threw on jeans and a sweatshirt, rubbed some tinted moisturizer into my skin, and dotted a bit of acne treatment concealer over my chin where polycystic ovarian syndrome liked to announce itself with adult acne.
I showed up at the football game and wished I’d stayed home.
“You weren’t supposed to wear makeup!” one of the wives shrieked.
“No, you said you weren’t wearing makeup,” I responded.
“What’s wrong with you that you can’t go without makeup? Do you have a problem with the way you look?” Women can drive the shame train for other women like expert level conductors.
I’m sure the other women have completely forgotten about that day by now, but their words stuck with me, and every time I thought about buying or using a bright purple eyeshadow and a full arch of false lashes, I heard their voices in my head and put them back.
But I’m done with that bullshit now. Give me all the eye makeup.
My name is Maria, I’m 37 years old, and I love applying, wearing, buying, and playing with makeup.